weekends

ever notice when you arent workin or in school weekends just feel like any other day?
tomorrow is the start of my no pop
its gonna be hard but i just have to think its one small step and i can do it!
i know i know kept sayin i was doin that before but this time im determined
i really need to do something
i have been workin out for 4 weeks and dont see any difference
so im gonna try changin my diet my little baby steps
step one no pop
so lets see how this goes
everytime i want pop ill just drink a big glass of water
and everytime before i eat im gonna drink a big glass of water
hopefully that will help i dont know though
so tomorrow is the start of a fresh start hopefully
and tomorrow is the start of my new beginning im single and im gonna start acting like it
im not gonna think about how my ex is gonna feel about everything
he doesnt think of me so im gonna do the same
i just need to convince him to leave when he comes over to see the baby
its too hard otherwise
cuz we arent together i really just need to move on
do i want to? i really dont know
i love him but i just need to think of all the crap he has done
cuz trust me even though he is a good person he is a douche bag
like when i was pregnant and he left me to go out and watch the hot body contest
or when after i had our son he left that night to supposedly go home to get sleep cuz he didnt get much but instead left and watched a movie at a friends
or the other weekend when he was supposed to take the baby and he picked a fight w/ me and just left
i just have to remember the bad for now
i dont want to hate him.... i just dont want to love him anymore
its too hard
i just need to move on
i guess i need a distraction
i go and work out but i think i need to get out
like get dressed up
and go drink and dance and have fun
but i have come to realize in my age i really dont have that many friends
or close friends
once you hit a certain age friends all have their own separate lives
and you cant expect them to drop everything just cuz you are having a bad moment or week or day
i just need to get out of my slump
i need to stop wishin my ex was something he isnt and something he is never gonna be
i dont want to be alone
but i have to be
i cant stay w/ someone that doesnt want to try or appreciates me
i told him the other day you dont appreciate anything i do he tells me yes i do and im like no you dont you like it there is a difference you like all the things i do for you
i just need to stop
i need to realize i have come to the point that tryin is just exhausting
and why try when the other person isnt
i just wish i had that fairy tale ending
i wnt to be married maybe have another baby
have a house
invite ppl over for dinner
but thats not gonna happen anytime soon
i need to focus on the life i have to provide for my son
i need to focus on my workin out
and changin my eating habits to healthy
i just miss the feelin of being wanted
its hard to be alone
i dont like being single
i dont trust ppl easily
ppl lie cheat and it sucks
so guess ill be lonely for awhile
so i just need to focus on getting on w/ my life
its just hard when im tryin to move on and HE keeps coming around
i know we have a baby together but god
leave!
i love him though